Today the word “masochist” can be heard quite often. However, we must ask ourselves what does it really mean? The simplified answer that most people say is “A person who enjoys pain”. But in reality, is much deeper.
First of all, a masochist is a person who cannot accept themselves and the world around them. Therefore they are unable to build healthy, long-term, and harmonious relationships. Masochists almost always have various psychosomatic disorders. There’s always a childhood story of masochists. Usually, each of them as a child faced with the fact that their personality was devalued. Their desires and manifestations of the will were suppressed. Thus, they formed a fundamental habit: “I deny myself the pleasures for the sake of others!”
The main personality traits of a masochist
A developed skill of patient and silent suffering.
It arises in early childhood when every self-presentation was followed by a repression reaction from parents (consciously or unconsciously) in order to make them manageable and more convenient. As a result, the child gets the idea that they need to deny themselves to get approval from others. What follows from here?
The child will try to literally serve others. At the same time, they will not have their own opinion. They will never ask for anything in return, nor they will try to object, even if they don’t like something. And the interesting thing is that a masochist does not accept such behavior in their address. They may show hostility or aggression towards someone who decides to show them minimal care. And how could it be otherwise if all that life experience taught them was to endure in silence.
The tendency to manipulative actions, as well as their passive-aggressive forms.
This is because in their childhood any manifestation of aggression was suppressed. And that is why, in a masochist, every internal discomfort becomes the basis for the emergence of various forms of manipulation:
The masochist expects that others will respond to them with their same principle. This “pushing” attitude towards their own needs and desires as if confirming that they really treat them well.
The masochist makes everyone around them guilty of their feelings. They suffer and take offense. In other words, people in contact with a masochist are under the yoke of illogical and toxic guilt.
Their logic is: “I must punish the ones that make me suffer!”. And, accordingly, the guilty will immediately feel the punishment. They will begin to ignore them, they will deprive them of care, attention, but most importantly – freedom. Making it clear that they are responsible for the depressed state of the masochist.
A masochist can demonstratively deprive people of their close circle of the opportunity to take care of them. After which they themselves will be offended by them for lack of care. It becomes very important for them to do everything on their own. And this applies even to those situations where help from them is not particularly required. But after that, they can again blame the environment for not being given enough gratitude and care.
They “wrap” all the anger that’s inside them if they can’t find an object for directing their accusations and punishments. Leading to self-destruction. Ranging from alcohol or drug addiction, these are some ways of how they self-destruct. Anything will do for them. They just want to suffer and punish themselves up to premature death.
A sudden exit from a relationship
Quite often happens so that the masochist stops communication for no reason visible to the other side. This is how their anger and disappointment from the unfulfilled expectation from other people of disinterested self-sacrifice in their address is manifested. Discontent builds up for a long time, after which it manifests itself in this way. A masochist cannot defend their own point of view but blames others. In addition, by not presenting their opinion on the situation to the other side, the masochist deprives the partner of the opportunity to understand what is happening to them.
Provocation of someone else’s aggression
A masochist needs a sadist. That is, they simply need a person who will help maintain the illusion that the world is unfair, that people are indifferent and cruel, that suffering is not their choice, these are the circumstances in which they fell. That is why the masochist will openly or covertly provoke other people to aggression against them. For example, statistics show that women tend to be masochistic more often, provided that in childhood they were brought up by an aggressive or sadistic father. It is this behavioral model that the woman then unconsciously transfers to her own family. Such a woman, most likely, will choose a sadistic man as her husband, since she will be able to provoke them to aggression and, accordingly, suffer non-stop.