In married couples, relationships evolve and go through certain stages of development, and it is important to understand that each new stage of family life requires resources, as well as growth and maturation.
Most often, in married couples, difficulties begin to arise when people expect the union of “marmalade and marshmallow pictures”. This is not something that can be real because humans aren’t perfect. When in a couple, both partners are ready to accept the imperfection of the other and interact with a person of flesh and blood, and not with their fantasies and projections, then the couple smoothly goes through one stage after another. But in some cases there are “on-demand” stops when people give up their natural urge to grow and develop.
At this point, it is simply NECESSARY to diagnose the state of relationships, to determine the stage of development. To learn how to harmoniously move from one stage to another. The stages of family relationships and how to go through them without loss
Stage 1. SYMBIOSIS
Communication model: continuous – “We”.
Motto: “We are one whole” / “I cannot live with you, but I cannot live without you.”
At this stage, married couples are two DIFFERENT personalities merge, and the couple forms one for two “I”. In other words, personal boundaries are blurred, because of which both partners cannot understand what each of them really wants on their own. In such a relationship, the needs of the individual members of the couple do not differ, since “everything we do – we do together.” Most often, this stage occurs during the period of falling in love, when neither side wants to risk a wonderful state of affairs. If this stage is delayed, and the behavior of the couple in the future is aimed solely at avoiding conflict, then as a result both partners lose the ability to be separate people from each other.
Stage 2. DIFFERENTIATION
Model “I” – “We, which consists of alternating conflicts and reconciliation.”
As the partners grow up and show each other their desire for their own individuality, there is a release from illusions. This stage is rarely easy, as quarrels often occur because of the differences that arise. In addition, a man and a woman begin to understand and feel that they do not want to spend all their free time together. Questions may arise: “What happened?”, “What is wrong in our couple?”, “Have the feelings gone, and why do not I feel them as before?” This is an absolutely normal course of this stage. It takes time to come to terms with reality. The end of this stage is marked by the fact that partners come out of symbiosis, and, regardless of the existing differences, make a CHOICE to be and remain together.
Stage 3. REMOVAL
Model: “I and the world around”.
Motto: “I want to be myself.”
At this stage, the attention of each member of the union is directed to the outside world. Partners are no longer deeply connected to empathy and they both enjoy their activities separately. At this stage, the development of your personal “I” is much more important than the development of relationships directly. Partners can lose sensual attachment and even start competing in something. It is in this time period of estrangement that the largest number of divorces occurs. But if partners can support each other and not bring the situation to the point of no return to the family, then the next step is to establish closeness.
Stage 4. ESTABLISHMENT OF PROXIMITY.
Model: Finding a balance between “I” and “We”.
At this stage, there is an alternation of comfortable intimacy with the desire and attempts to restore independence. Each partner gained confidence in their own individuality. Now the man and woman understand that it is possible to return to the issue of emotional closeness. Usually, vulnerability re-emerges, and each of the two hopes to receive support and comfort from the other party. As a result, a balance between “I” and “We” is formed and gains strength.
Stage 5. STRONG BONDING.
Model: Constancy phase.
At this stage, there are two perfectly integrated individuals in the union who have developed an attachment that is completely satisfying to both of them. Important: partners certainly need to learn to give, since this is what becomes the basis of the foundations at this stage. Most couples view the stage as a period for the development and careful renewal of relationships.
Thus, problems in relationships begin to make themselves felt when couples “skid” at the same stage or stages already passed. As a result, the desire for GROWTH and DIFFERENCE in both partners is inhibited, which, in fact, are indicators of the quality of relations between two psychologically adults.
RUPE LOVE is unity while maintaining individuality!
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